It is my life after all

Again …the moments of thinking through. Oh, what an imperfectness. The same shit again. Really, I never thought of myself as a person that can walk the same unchanged path…Path, or circle, or field…The name is irrelevant, what is important is what is really going on. Actually, when I`ll think better, there is really nothing going on. You are standing somewhere in between point A and B..Point A, drawing you an arrow that leads to the exit, and the other is also drawing you an arrow, just the other way round, leading you back in the entrance, maybe, reminding you of some past experiences, events that were suppose to be just a memory…a pleasant moment from the past. But somehow, the role that I`m playing right now, is not compatible with the genre of the play, so because of that logical reason, the script that was repeated a hundreds of times, still amuses me. But somehow, out of nowhere, in the middle of the play, I looked around, and I realized that the genre has changed. So, finally, the big word, CHANGE. A word that was suppose to bring me a joy and relief, but, again somehow, the genre of the play that I was acting in, by definition is called monodrama. An empty scene, covered with some yellow autumn leafs, and on the seats, audience collected from the crew that was playing with me before, on the scene. Observing this nonsense, I am trying to sit between them, to get out of the script, the lines that I am suppose to say , and to ask them, wondering: “What the hell is going on here? Why am I alone on the scene, ha? For the whole time I thought I was talking to someone, that someone will respond to my questions? Obviously, rhetorical questions. “And, just like that, with an eagerness in my voice, and the tears almost shed , I am looking at their amazed faces … The lightening from the reflector is following my every step… I was standing there, on the scene, still wondering, with tears falling down my cheeks, and suddenly.. A big applause…. Still confused, not knowing why these strange people are applauding me , I left the scene. The audience left the theatre from the main entrance…I…I was still behind the curtains..